Chemistry song 10
We Wish You a Happy Halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
To react with a metal.
Good acid we bring
to you and your base.
We wish you a merry molecule
and a happy halogen.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Chemistry song 08
Test Tubes Bubbling
(to the tune of "Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire")
Test tubes bubbling in a water bath
Strong smells nipping at ypur nose.
Tiny molecules with their atoms all aglow
Will find it hard to be inert tonight.
They know that Chlorine's on its way
He's loaded lots of little electrons on his sleigh
And every student's slide rule is on the sly
To see if the teacher really can multiply.
And so I offer you this simple phrase
To chemistry students in this room
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry molecules to you.
Test Tubes Bubbling
(to the tune of "Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire")
Test tubes bubbling in a water bath
Strong smells nipping at ypur nose.
Tiny molecules with their atoms all aglow
Will find it hard to be inert tonight.
They know that Chlorine's on its way
He's loaded lots of little electrons on his sleigh
And every student's slide rule is on the sly
To see if the teacher really can multiply.
And so I offer you this simple phrase
To chemistry students in this room
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry molecules to you.
Chemistry song 07
Quantum Chemistry
On the first day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: An exam in Quantum Chemistry.
On the second day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: a double integral and an exam in Quantum Chemistry.
On the third day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: three orbitals, a double integral, and an exam in Quantum Chemistry.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: four harmonic oscillators, three orbitals, etc.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: Five Hermitian Operators! Four harmonic ocillators, three orbitals, etc.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: six spin-orbit couplings, etc.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: seven basis functions, etc.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: eight time dependent perturbations, etc.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: nine Slater determinants, etc.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: ten electrons tunneling, etc.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: eleven photons emitting, etc.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: 12 fermions exchanging, etc.
Quantum Chemistry
On the first day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: An exam in Quantum Chemistry.
On the second day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: a double integral and an exam in Quantum Chemistry.
On the third day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: three orbitals, a double integral, and an exam in Quantum Chemistry.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: four harmonic oscillators, three orbitals, etc.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: Five Hermitian Operators! Four harmonic ocillators, three orbitals, etc.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: six spin-orbit couplings, etc.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: seven basis functions, etc.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: eight time dependent perturbations, etc.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: nine Slater determinants, etc.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: ten electrons tunneling, etc.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: eleven photons emitting, etc.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: 12 fermions exchanging, etc.
Chemistry song 06
The Twelve Days of Chemistry
On the first day of chemistry
My teacher gave to me
A candle from Chem Study.
(second day) two asbestos pads
(third day) three little beakers
(fourth day) four work sheets
(fifth day) five golden moles
(sixth day) six flaming test tubes
(seventh day) seven unknown samples
(eighth day) eight homework problems
(ninth day) nine grams of salt
(tenth day) a ten page test
(eleventh day) eleven molecules
(twelfth day) a twelve point quiz
The Twelve Days of Chemistry
On the first day of chemistry
My teacher gave to me
A candle from Chem Study.
(second day) two asbestos pads
(third day) three little beakers
(fourth day) four work sheets
(fifth day) five golden moles
(sixth day) six flaming test tubes
(seventh day) seven unknown samples
(eighth day) eight homework problems
(ninth day) nine grams of salt
(tenth day) a ten page test
(eleventh day) eleven molecules
(twelfth day) a twelve point quiz
Chemistry song 05
Deck the Labs
Deck the labs with rubber tubing
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Use your funnel and your filter
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Don we now our goggles and aprons
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Before we go to our lab stations
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Fill the beakers with solutions
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Mix solutions for reactions
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Watch we now for observations
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
So we can collect our data
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Deck the Labs
Deck the labs with rubber tubing
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Use your funnel and your filter
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Don we now our goggles and aprons
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Before we go to our lab stations
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Fill the beakers with solutions
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Mix solutions for reactions
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Watch we now for observations
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
So we can collect our data
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Chemistry song 04
Silent Labs
Silent labs, difficult labs
All with math, all with graphs
Observations of colors and smells
Calculations and graph curves like bells
Memories of tests that have past
Oh, how long will chemistry last?
Silent labs, difficult labs
All with math, all with graphs
Lots of equations that need balancing
Gas pressure problems that make my head ring
Santa Chlorine's on his way
Oh, Please Santa bring me an 'A'.
Silent Labs
Silent labs, difficult labs
All with math, all with graphs
Observations of colors and smells
Calculations and graph curves like bells
Memories of tests that have past
Oh, how long will chemistry last?
Silent labs, difficult labs
All with math, all with graphs
Lots of equations that need balancing
Gas pressure problems that make my head ring
Santa Chlorine's on his way
Oh, Please Santa bring me an 'A'.
Chemistry song 03
I'm Dreaming of a White Precipitate
I'm dreaming of a white precipitate
just like the ones I used to make
Where the colors are vivid
and the chemist is livid
to see impurities in the snow.
I'm dreaming of a white precipitate
with every chemistry test I write
May your equations be balanced and right
and may all your reactions be bright.
I'm Dreaming of a White Precipitate
I'm dreaming of a white precipitate
just like the ones I used to make
Where the colors are vivid
and the chemist is livid
to see impurities in the snow.
I'm dreaming of a white precipitate
with every chemistry test I write
May your equations be balanced and right
and may all your reactions be bright.
Chemistry song 02
The Chemistry Teacher's Coming to Town
You better not weigh
You better not heat
You better not react
I'm telling you now
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
He's collecting data
He's checking it twice
He's gonna find out
The heat of melting ice
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
He sees you when you're decanting
He knows when you titrate
He knows when you are safe or not
So wear goggles for goodness sake.
Oh, you better not filter
And drink your filtrate
You better not be careless and spill your precipitate.
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
The Chemistry Teacher's Coming to Town
You better not weigh
You better not heat
You better not react
I'm telling you now
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
He's collecting data
He's checking it twice
He's gonna find out
The heat of melting ice
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
He sees you when you're decanting
He knows when you titrate
He knows when you are safe or not
So wear goggles for goodness sake.
Oh, you better not filter
And drink your filtrate
You better not be careless and spill your precipitate.
The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
You can now eat your own plate
Taipei, Taiwan (AP) - Diners tempted to lick a plate after a delicious meal can now go a step further - eat the plate.
Chen Liang-erh, 50, an amateur inventor, announced Friday that he had perfected an edible plate made from wheat grain, and that he planned to mass-produce it and other edible crockery including cups, bowls and food containers.
Chen spent six years developing the plate, which he said would retail at about 7 cents each.
Diners who don't want to eat the items - which taste like unsalted popcorn - can boil them for a nutritious meal for animals, he said.
Chen said this can help reduce pollution caused by discarded crockery. The only disadvantage, he said, is his crockery cannot be washed and reused.
Taipei, Taiwan (AP) - Diners tempted to lick a plate after a delicious meal can now go a step further - eat the plate.
Chen Liang-erh, 50, an amateur inventor, announced Friday that he had perfected an edible plate made from wheat grain, and that he planned to mass-produce it and other edible crockery including cups, bowls and food containers.
Chen spent six years developing the plate, which he said would retail at about 7 cents each.
Diners who don't want to eat the items - which taste like unsalted popcorn - can boil them for a nutritious meal for animals, he said.
Chen said this can help reduce pollution caused by discarded crockery. The only disadvantage, he said, is his crockery cannot be washed and reused.
Is Windows a virus?
With the recent problems being encountered by Windows users all across the country, people are begin to ask themselves if windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an answer to that question a study was done and concluded the following.
1. Viruses replicate quickly.
Windows does this.
2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so.
Windows does this.
3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk.
Windows does this.
4. Viruses are usually carried, unkown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems.
Windows does that too.
5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.
Same with Windows, yet again.
Maybe Windows really is a virus.
Nope! There is a difference!
Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So there! Windows is not a virus.
With the recent problems being encountered by Windows users all across the country, people are begin to ask themselves if windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an answer to that question a study was done and concluded the following.
1. Viruses replicate quickly.
Windows does this.
2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so.
Windows does this.
3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk.
Windows does this.
4. Viruses are usually carried, unkown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems.
Windows does that too.
5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.
Same with Windows, yet again.
Maybe Windows really is a virus.
Nope! There is a difference!
Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So there! Windows is not a virus.
The problem is at your end
One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"
One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"
Top Ten Ways Y2K Will Affect Disney World
10. Accidental switch back to 19,000 Leagues Under the Sea.
9. Screwed up computers report EuroDisney turning a profit.
8. Air traffic control glitch causes Dumbo to smack into a DC-10.
7. The "It's a Small World After All" creatures go on a rampage.
6. The Hall of Presidents keeps chanting "Kill Clinton, kill Clinton."
5. When you wish upon a star, nothing happens.
4. Unexpected power surge brings an angry Walt Disney back to life.
3. "Main Street Electrical Parade" becomes "Main Street Two Guys With Plastic Flashlights Parade."
2. Ticket machine accidentally dispenses day passes for less than $600.
1. Two words: catapulting teacups.
10. Accidental switch back to 19,000 Leagues Under the Sea.
9. Screwed up computers report EuroDisney turning a profit.
8. Air traffic control glitch causes Dumbo to smack into a DC-10.
7. The "It's a Small World After All" creatures go on a rampage.
6. The Hall of Presidents keeps chanting "Kill Clinton, kill Clinton."
5. When you wish upon a star, nothing happens.
4. Unexpected power surge brings an angry Walt Disney back to life.
3. "Main Street Electrical Parade" becomes "Main Street Two Guys With Plastic Flashlights Parade."
2. Ticket machine accidentally dispenses day passes for less than $600.
1. Two words: catapulting teacups.
Would you define OCR?
OCR - Optical Character Recognition
A technology that can take written words and convert them back into computer-readable form, provided they're in the right font, using the correct colors sometimes, at the right point size and pitch, dark enough on the paper, and you're prepared to spend several centuries correcting all the 1's that came out as l's, all the O's that came out as 0's, and all the :'s that come out like ;'s.
OCR - Optical Character Recognition
A technology that can take written words and convert them back into computer-readable form, provided they're in the right font, using the correct colors sometimes, at the right point size and pitch, dark enough on the paper, and you're prepared to spend several centuries correcting all the 1's that came out as l's, all the O's that came out as 0's, and all the :'s that come out like ;'s.
Bill Gates picks his own punishment
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.
"The bottle has a hole in it!"
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.
"And it's missing three keys,"
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.
"The bottle has a hole in it!"
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.
"And it's missing three keys,"
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."
Friday, October 3, 2008
Secret Service Blonde
The Secret Service was looking for more employees. They put up a sign and the next day they picked the next three people. They brought the first guy into a room and gave him a pistol and said" Your wife is in that room go in and shoot her" The guy looked at them and said" No I can't do it" So the Secret Service brought out the next guy and told him the same thing and handed him the gun. "He went into the room and came back out but he didn't want to shoot her. So the Secret Service who was really desperate brought the last person in. She was a blonde so they were worried. They said" Your husbandis in that room and I want you to shoot him." "Alright" she announced. She went into the room and the Secret Service heard alot of crashing and banging. They went in and found the man dead. "What the hell is going on" "Oh The gun was a blank so I beat him to death with a chair."
The Secret Service was looking for more employees. They put up a sign and the next day they picked the next three people. They brought the first guy into a room and gave him a pistol and said" Your wife is in that room go in and shoot her" The guy looked at them and said" No I can't do it" So the Secret Service brought out the next guy and told him the same thing and handed him the gun. "He went into the room and came back out but he didn't want to shoot her. So the Secret Service who was really desperate brought the last person in. She was a blonde so they were worried. They said" Your husbandis in that room and I want you to shoot him." "Alright" she announced. She went into the room and the Secret Service heard alot of crashing and banging. They went in and found the man dead. "What the hell is going on" "Oh The gun was a blank so I beat him to death with a chair."
Language
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your
secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case
of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'
"Twenty-six."
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your
secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case
of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'
"Twenty-six."
Little problem
Biff gets a call from his blonde girlfriend, Buffy. "I've got a problem," says Buffy.
"What's the matter?" asks Biff.
"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?" asks Biff.
"It's of a big Rooster," replies Buffy.
"All right," says Biff, "I'll come over and have a look."
So he goes over to Buffy's house and Buffy greets him saying, "Thanks for coming over."
Buffy leads Biff into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table.
Biff looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Buffy and says, "For Pete's sake - put the Cornflakes back in the Box."
Biff gets a call from his blonde girlfriend, Buffy. "I've got a problem," says Buffy.
"What's the matter?" asks Biff.
"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?" asks Biff.
"It's of a big Rooster," replies Buffy.
"All right," says Biff, "I'll come over and have a look."
So he goes over to Buffy's house and Buffy greets him saying, "Thanks for coming over."
Buffy leads Biff into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table.
Biff looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Buffy and says, "For Pete's sake - put the Cornflakes back in the Box."
Q & A
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: You pick it up pull the pin & throw it back.
Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.
Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.
Q: Why don't blonds play frisbee?
A: It hurts their teeth.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.
Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the fish?
A: She tried to drown it.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: You pick it up pull the pin & throw it back.
Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.
Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.
Q: Why don't blonds play frisbee?
A: It hurts their teeth.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.
Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the fish?
A: She tried to drown it.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.
Sleeping Pills
An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."
"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."
"Great," the blonde answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."
A few weeks later the blonde returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"
"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"
"That may be true," answered the blonde wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"
An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."
"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."
"Great," the blonde answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."
A few weeks later the blonde returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"
"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"
"That may be true," answered the blonde wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"
Looking For Cops
A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops.
"Yes," says the blonde.
"Are their lights on?"
The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."
A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops.
"Yes," says the blonde.
"Are their lights on?"
The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."
The Hamster Show
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing "Tuff Enuff" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds.
"That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer.
"If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.
The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to.
"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog."
"Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."
"That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer.
"If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.
The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to.
"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog."
"Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Sardar joke - Santa banta fishing
santa singh & banta singh rented a boat and fished in a lake every day.
One day they had a huge haul of 30 fish. santa said to banta.
“There’s lots of fish here! Mark this spot so that we can come here
tomorrow.” The next day when they were driving to rent the boat,
santa asked banta , “Did you mark that spot?” banta replied,
“Yeah, I put a big X on the bottom of the boat!” santa said, “You fool! What if we dont get that same boat today!?!?”
santa singh & banta singh rented a boat and fished in a lake every day.
One day they had a huge haul of 30 fish. santa said to banta.
“There’s lots of fish here! Mark this spot so that we can come here
tomorrow.” The next day when they were driving to rent the boat,
santa asked banta , “Did you mark that spot?” banta replied,
“Yeah, I put a big X on the bottom of the boat!” santa said, “You fool! What if we dont get that same boat today!?!?”
Sardar jokes - Weight loss
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would
lose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight,
but he had a problem.
“What’s the problem?” asked the doctor.
I’m 2400 kms from home.
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Labels: sardar Jokes, Short funny jokes
Short sardarji joke - Accident
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar : Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would
lose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight,
but he had a problem.
“What’s the problem?” asked the doctor.
I’m 2400 kms from home.
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Labels: sardar Jokes, Short funny jokes
Short sardarji joke - Accident
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar : Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
Sardar jokes-Hanging for life
There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.
Ten were sardar, and one was a girl. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t, then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the girl said, “I’ll get off.”
After a really touching speech from the girl saying she would get off, all of the sardar started Clapping.
There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.
Ten were sardar, and one was a girl. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t, then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the girl said, “I’ll get off.”
After a really touching speech from the girl saying she would get off, all of the sardar started Clapping.
Sardar jokes-Going home early
Three sardars who work in the same office notice that their boss has started leaving work early every day. One day they decide that after he leaves, they’ll take off early, too. After all, he never calls or comes back, so how will he know?
The 1st Sardar is thrilled to get home early. he does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.
The 2nd Sardar is elevated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.
The 3rd Sardar is also very happy to be home early, but as he goes upstairs he hears noises coming from his bedroom. he quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see his wife in bed with HIS BOSS! Ever so gently, he closes the door and creeps out of his house.
The next day, the other two Sardar talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the 3rd Sardar if he wants to leave early also, he exclaims, “NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!”
Three sardars who work in the same office notice that their boss has started leaving work early every day. One day they decide that after he leaves, they’ll take off early, too. After all, he never calls or comes back, so how will he know?
The 1st Sardar is thrilled to get home early. he does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.
The 2nd Sardar is elevated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.
The 3rd Sardar is also very happy to be home early, but as he goes upstairs he hears noises coming from his bedroom. he quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see his wife in bed with HIS BOSS! Ever so gently, he closes the door and creeps out of his house.
The next day, the other two Sardar talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the 3rd Sardar if he wants to leave early also, he exclaims, “NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!”
Sardar jokes-Puzzle
Two Sardar walk into a bar, each orders a drink. They go and sit down and start toasting and cheering, “51 days! 51 Days!!” About five minutes later, another Sardar walks in, orders a drink, and joins the other two in the cheering.
Finally, another Sardar walks in with what looks like a picture. He puts the picture thing in the middle of the table, and starts cheering with the others, “51 days!51 days!!
The Bartender starts too get really curious, so he walks over to discover that the picture is a Puzzle. He walks over to one of the Sardar and asks, “What on earth are you doing??”
“Well,” the Sardar says, “everyone thinks Sardar are so stupid, so we proved them wrong. On the box of this puzzle, it says 2-4 years, but we finished it in only 51 days!!
Two Sardar walk into a bar, each orders a drink. They go and sit down and start toasting and cheering, “51 days! 51 Days!!” About five minutes later, another Sardar walks in, orders a drink, and joins the other two in the cheering.
Finally, another Sardar walks in with what looks like a picture. He puts the picture thing in the middle of the table, and starts cheering with the others, “51 days!51 days!!
The Bartender starts too get really curious, so he walks over to discover that the picture is a Puzzle. He walks over to one of the Sardar and asks, “What on earth are you doing??”
“Well,” the Sardar says, “everyone thinks Sardar are so stupid, so we proved them wrong. On the box of this puzzle, it says 2-4 years, but we finished it in only 51 days!!
Sardar jokes-Engine failure
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Delhi to Kolkata, the captain announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left.”
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don’t worry. We can fly just fine on two engines.”
An hour later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don’t worry. We still have one engine left.”
A young Sardar passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day!”
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Delhi to Kolkata, the captain announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left.”
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don’t worry. We can fly just fine on two engines.”
An hour later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don’t worry. We still have one engine left.”
A young Sardar passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day!”
Sardar Jokes : Air travel of Sardarji
One Sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array.
But as soon as the Sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.
After some time the old lady came and requested the Sardarji to leave the side seat.
But the Sardaji told, “I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave”.
The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess requested the Sardarji to leave that seat but Sardarji did not leave.
Then the air hostess went and told the asst. captain. He also came and requested, but in vain.
Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the Sardarji and the Sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat.
Astonished, the airhostess and the asst. captain asked the captain afterwards what he told to the Sardarji?
Captain told, “nothing… Ijust told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh and all others will go to Jalandhar.”
One Sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array.
But as soon as the Sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.
After some time the old lady came and requested the Sardarji to leave the side seat.
But the Sardaji told, “I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave”.
The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess requested the Sardarji to leave that seat but Sardarji did not leave.
Then the air hostess went and told the asst. captain. He also came and requested, but in vain.
Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the Sardarji and the Sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat.
Astonished, the airhostess and the asst. captain asked the captain afterwards what he told to the Sardarji?
Captain told, “nothing… Ijust told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh and all others will go to Jalandhar.”
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